Discovering my Inner Darkness
Unfortunately, I’m mortal and full of imperfections. I would argue a majority of people fall into the same camp. Although I usually like to have light or informative posts, today is a change of pace for me. Instead, I want to ponder what it’s like to walk in the dark.
“We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are.”
-Sirius Black
I think Sirius’ quote speaks more deeply to me now than it has previously. I’m trying to slowly explore more of myself to understand myself as a whole and as a person. Through my self-exploration, I have begun to discover the darker parts of my personality.
Hidden in Plain Sight
The most sinister realization for me is that these beliefs, potential actions, and abrasive words have been a part of me all along.
I could try to delude myself into thinking these beliefs are only an artifact of me searching for the darkness. An even more insidious lie would be that these emerged because of the people around me, but I was pure before interacting with them.
As I said, both of those statements would be lies. Instead, the harsh truth is that these deplorable things live within me. They always have, and I’ve just averted my eyes from their presence until now.
The Dangerous Descent
I’ll admit, my exploration has only begun, but it has unearthed comfortable truths. Beliefs I didn’t think I carried, actions I didn’t believe I could take, words I didn’t think I could say.
Some may ask “why embark on this journey?” I believe these people have a point. We have a lot of darkness in our world as a whole. In some ways wouldn’t I be adding to it?
I believe the answer is yes and no. In the short term, this is true. Through exploring an unsavory portion of my personality I embody and probably unconsciously carry out some morally darker actions.
Channeling darkness is also championing destruction. If left uncontrolled, it could spell disaster for yourself and, more important to me, those around me. This is the danger present in embracing the darkness.
You tap into one of the primal forces of our world. Although people don’t like to admit it, destruction is a necessary piece of creation. New cannot be brought to life without the removal of the old. Destruction gets vilified, but it should be respected for the role it plays in heralding a new dawn.
When unbalanced, destruction and chaos are cataclysmic. When in harmony, destruction and chaos help a new day, age, or paradigm to emerge.
The Promised Rewards
“I don’t think that you have any insight whatsoever into your capacity for good until you have some well-developed insight into your capacity for evil.”
-Jordan Peterson
Recently I’ve been studying some people who have achieved success in their own rights. These people include Jordan Peterson, Robert Green, David Goggins. One thing all of these people have in common is that they embrace the darkness and dark side.
One important clarification is that I don’t consider any of these people dark people. Instead, they are people working towards a neutral or even positive outcome using a powerful, widely shunned force.
I’ll be the first to argue for happiness, sunshine, and rainbows; however, I’m also starting to realize there are times where the darkness is required. In some ways, I also feel every great leader who stands and works in the light requires someone to dirty their hands in the shadows. This was true in Naruto and The Dark Knight.
When someone tames the darkness in themselves, with full understanding, they are able to present their whole selves. Further, this lets them truly choose which impulse, dark or light, to act upon in a given situation.
Their ability to harness both parts of their nature allows them more depth and to take the necessary action to reach a goal. A person is in harmony with themselves, which leads to better outcomes for everyone. This reason is why I also answered no to the earlier question. In the long run, people who tame their dark side are able to act fully, towards a greater good.
Wrapping Up
I’m trying to better understand and accept myself as a whole. Unfortunately, this means confronting the ugliest parts of my nature. For many, and myself included, this experience can be disheartening.
I know I liked to think of myself as a good person. It lets me fit in with society and keep people happy. I also don’t like to be looked at. Embracing the darker parts of your nature certainly makes you stand out.
I wish everyone the bravery to look deep into themselves and find the darkness that lies within their person. Even if you don’t intend to leverage that part of yourself, knowing it’s there allows you to acknowledge and control its influence. This, in turn, lets you better the world around you, with your eyes wide open to all your motivations and choices.
