Hunting for Home
“A dwelling is not a home. A home is more.”
— The Giver
Until recently, I didn’t understand the depth or power behind this quote. Since I always lived at or near home, I didn’t have to contemplate what home actually meant. My lack of contemplation about home changed with my most recent move.
I moved from Northern New York to Providence Rhode Island. In this process, I left behind everyone I knew, the lifestyle I grew accustomed to, and the snow I came to have a love-hate relationship with.
I’m still confused as to what home means in my postgraduate struggle bus.
I don’t intend this article to provide an answer to this question. Instead, I hope it generates a discussion about how others define and create a home.
Defining Home
“Home is where the heart is.”
In many ways, this quote has never rung truer with me than now. Although I currently live in an apartment in Rhode Island, I don’t consider this home.
Instead, I prefer to identify the space where I currently reside at as my residence or, to channel the giver, my dwelling.
As the Giver expanded upon in his response to Jonas, a home is more. To me, a home is a place you can come to and instantly be at ease. Home is a place where you always feel secure and welcome. The power of home is that a person can always return home and be okay.
Because the world is always uncertain, home is comfortable and luxury.
I believe home is an important thing for everyone to have. When we have a place where we feel safe, we’re more likely to take a risk. More importantly, we feel emboldened to explore the world and push our limits.
Using this definition, home is a prerequisite for us to experience our best self. Thankfully, this definition implies that home isn’t tied to any specific geographical location. Because home isn’t tied to any specific location, the people you surround yourself with makes a dwelling a home.
Since a home isn’t tied to a geographical location or a specific location, this means we can build our own.
Building Your Home
Since building a home depends on people, we have to focus on curating our network and tribe.
Although figuring out ways to build a great group of people are beyond me, I do have some lived experience which may serve as guideposts.
Firstly, and most importantly for impatient people like me, building a home will take time. In my case, my first home was developed over 18 years. It wouldn’t make sense for a new home to emerge overnight.
Secondly, the phrase “to build a home.” is apt here. A home isn’t something that exists without sustained effort. Instead, home is crafted, whether that be a physical structure which houses our relationships, or just the relationships that allow us to call somewhere home.
Lastly, building a home is a team effort. I firmly believe that since a home is dictated by relationships, it requires the help of all involved. When you construct a home, you’re not only constructing one for yourself.
Ideally, if you’re building a home properly, you’re laying a foundation which will last years for all members involved.
Because home is constructed mutually for all people involved, it will take the shape of everyone’s mutual vision. Using a physical analogy, that means the kitchen countertops will be designed based upon a compromise. A disaster in the making I know.
I believe it would be a beautiful disaster. The home that is eventually built is something that all those involved can be proud of. Although outsiders may not understand, that’s okay. Remember, the purpose of a home is the creation of a space in which the members can feel safe and secure.
This doesn’t require the approval of those who don’t call the space home.
Wrapping Up
Home is a complicated issue. Not only is it a politically loaded term, but it’s very emotionally charged. Most people will define home differently and will point to a different home depending on when they’re asked.
I’m personally struggling to define my home. I’m a self-proclaimed homebody and home is an important part of that identity, but I currently don’t have a home to reside in. I also realize my home is likely to change several times over the next few years.
Although I yearn for adventure, I desire a home. Home allows me to feel comfortable enough to adventure because I know I have a place to return to.
One positive of feeling “homeless” is that I’ve been encouraged to make more connections I look forward to the day where, for the first time, I will have craved a home of my own.
